With Pen In Hand

With pen in hand

I sit and wait

Wondering what images

The Muse will deliver.

 

Some are bleak

And pain me so

But I write them anyway.

 

For in doing so

Releases me from

Demons I may not realize.

Or frees me of wounds

Buried long ago

And forgotten.

 

Whether I share them

Or not

Is entirely up

To me.

Posted in poetry, writing | Tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

The Noise Upstairs

The noise upstairs is

deafening and causes despair.

They’re fighting again.

Posted in family, poetry | Tagged , , , , , | 2 Comments

Cherish The Mundane

I know you’re thinking, “What a strange title?” but to those of us with limited vision or a chronic debilitating disease, this title makes perfect sense. So many of us have to struggle to accomplish simple tasks like buttoning a shirt or even rising off the commode unattended that (if accomplished) we’d do cartwheels if we could!

Once there was a time when I’d get in my car and drive anywhere alone (even downtown E. St. Louis, IL which used to be like Ferguson, MO is now). I was never afraid because I trusted my car and my judgment, but those days are gone. Now I have to stay away from crowded cities because traffic moves too fast; (yes, even in little Ozark, AL) and my poor eyes just can’t adjust to the changes that quickly.

So today was a real treat for me. The daily rain had finally stopped; so I climbed into the car and drove to the Ozark Post Office. Traffic was north and south bound on US 231 so all I had to do was cross it and continue past Hardee’s to the post office. Hardee’s Mushroom & Swiss Burgers were so tempting that I used the drive thru and got one which I ate at the post office in a sort of “memorial picnic” like I used to have with my son, Bernard Jr, so long ago.

We used to drive to a fast food drive thru in Cahokia and then go to the park where we would “picnic” in the car and then he would go play with other kids on the playground. Since he was an only child, we did this quite often, especially if there were no Parents Without Partners’ family functions to attend. If it was a Sunday, I’d read the newspaper while he played and when he got tired we’d go feed the ducks and swans. He still likes to feed the birds and he and his beautiful wife, Alexa, still do.

I know this doesn’t sound very exciting to you, but the day may come when doing such mundane things will be a godsend and help trigger cherished memories that you never dreamed could become so priceless; so spend those moments making mud pies with your daughter or playing basketball with your son; take Grandpa to the park and watch him smile as he feeds the squirrels; or take Grandma to the beauty shop and then Dairy Queen like Bernie and I used to do for Grandma. Trust me, the day will come when you’ll be so glad you did! Onward…

Posted in family, writing | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Wake Up Time!

I’ve been feeling sort of blah lately; just hanging around the house since I went to the movies on Mother’s Day, which really isn’t how you should spend your day if you call yourself a writer. I just haven’t felt like doing much of anything except watching tv and checking Facebook.

I’ve managed to watch old movies I’d missed like “Despicable Me” and “Be Cool;” some really crappy ones that will remain nameless; some interesting ones like “Maggie” and “Persecuted,” and have even caught up on some tv shows. (I’ve still managed to keep the DVR about 38% filled because I’m always watching and recording programs.)

You see script writers are supposed to do that so they can improve their craft, and it’s ok to watch good and bad movies, but script writers are supposed to write spec scripts too (which I haven’t done for over a year).

I’ve been blogging, and had concentrated on that since I had moved in with The Kids, but The Kids are now moved, and I had no clue how long it had been since I looked at any of my scripts (or even attempted to write any) until I started rummaging around looking for info to fill out the required Social Security paperwork. That still wasn’t enough to make me realize my lack of scribing, but it did make me think about it… for a little while.

Well, lucky for me, I was reviewing old emails tonight and found some script writing submissions from 2012: Scripts I believed in enough to send to contests. So you see my friends, you never know what will motivate you; so keep believing and write! Onward…

Posted in family, writing | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Bureaucracy At Work

I hope y’all will give me a cyber pat on the back because I finally finished the requested Social Security disability paperwork. It was quite difficult for me because I just couldn’t find a way to truthfully say, I sit on my butt most of the day because I’m afraid of falling when I go outside

The question that baffled me was about what I did all day. I had to ponder that for 2 whole days, and finally wrote it up at 2:30 AM. Eventually I did get around to admitting my falling fear, and do hope it makes me sound normal if there is such a thing.

After mailing off the dreaded paperwork, I called the Mobile (AL) office to inform them (because my 10 days was way past due). 

Nobody answered the phone and I couldn’t remember the rep’s extension; so I redialed and this time pressed “0” for the operator. The phone rang and rang. I stopped counting after 10 rings and finally hung up. Then I went rummaging around for something with the rep’s extension number. When I called back I immediately got her and we chatted a bit.

Now I can truthfully say I understand why people get so frustrated with the government bureaucracy. When I worked for St Louis’ OSHA office we spent $20,000 of our budget buying a computer phone system like the one I heard this morning, but weren’t allowed to really use it because our Regional Administrator wanted a live person answering phones. 

I must admit that after this morning I can understand why people get so frustrated and mistrust the government, especially since I sometimes feel that way too. But I like to think that things haven’t changed that much in the 13 years I’ve been retired from government service, and hope that together we can make it better. Onward…

Posted in writing | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

SSA, SSI And Me

It’s been pretty hectic around here since I applied online for Medicare. Weeks later, my Medicare benefit and Social Security are finalized and I’ll be getting $238 monthly from Social Security in addition to my Government pension. Alas it seems that I’ve also requested disability due to my limited vision, and have received forms in the mail that must be filled out and returned to Mobile, AL.

For years I’ve been a pack rat because I kept so much paperwork, but you never know when you’ll have to verify something (like salary or employment). Well recently I pitched a bunch of paperwork I thought was no longer needed, and I was wrong! Now I’m trying to find something that shows how much money I was making from  2000 – 2005 and where I was employed after I retired from OSHA in 2002. Naturally I can’t find a paper copy of an old resume, and even logged onto my old computer to see if I might have it on the hard drive along with my old scripts and poetry. No such luck; so I started rummaging around again and did find old award paperwork and some awards too.


Makes me feel better to be reminded of sacrifices I made as a single, working mother (and the extra money was nice too). Now I hope I can locate what I need to fill out this dang disability paperwork. Onward…

Posted in family, macular degeneration, writing | Tagged , , , , , | 2 Comments

Mailbox Musings

Walked to the mailbox and hoped to see a letter with happy news or some money.

Neither was found; just more bills to ponder and worry over.

No wonder I rarely venture out to the box. Just can’t stand the angst I discover inside.

Can’t help but wonder if that’s the reason why sending letters is so out of season!

Posted in family, friendship, poetry | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments