L’Chaim!


I decided to start with this Chex Mix photo because it sums up so well how Life and its twists and turns can make your existence so interesting If you remember to relax and enjoy the ride.

Sunday (Aug 23) The Kids (my son and daughter-in-law) returned to Ozark for the first time since moving to Dothan. For some strange reason I thought they were never coming back to visit again, which was pretty silly, unless you consider the story I’m sharing with you now…

The Kids returned to help me set up my WiFi printer and helped me change their vacated bedroom into an office. They were here about 5 hours (at least half of that time was spent fighting with the printer installation). They called me on their way home to tell me the car was over heating. (Now I begin to realize why they’re so hesitant about returning to Ozark because it seems like something always happens!)

I drove to Dothan Monday in case their car had to go in for repairs, but it only needed antifreeze/coolant. My oil cap got lost in Dothan, but it wasn’t until Tuesday (Aug 25) that I realized this. We checked my oil when we added the coolant to The Kids’ car and then we drove around to check both cars. My car was smoking, but I’ve had a leaky valve cover for years; so I really wasn’t too concerned.

By the time I got home Monday night, the smoke was so thick I was gagging, but I decided to wait until Tuesday to lift the hood which was a blessing because oil was everywhere! If I had checked it Monday night I probably would have gotten burned because it had spewed up to the hood latch.

I drove to the closest auto parts place and bought an oil cap, a wiper blade for my back window and more coolant (since I’d given mine to The Kids). I had to return at 3pm yesterday because that was when my new oil cap would be delivered. Unfortunately it was the wrong size; so that meant another return trip today.

It took a long time for me to make that trip today. I was worried I was going to blow the car’s engine. I had already driven back from Dothan, and driven around Ozark with oil spewing all over my engine. The parts store opened at 7am and I finally got there at noon… after loading 2 qts of oil in the car, and saying my prayers about 20 times.

This cap was the right size. The nice man at O’Reily’s even checked my oil and said my “little tank” (an accurate name) was only 1 qt low! Now I’m “vegetating” on the couch; so gratefully acknowledging The Universe and Life. L’Chaim and onward…

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Reality Check Please!

Reality Check Please! How often have we wished thinking or muttering those words would make everything better (or at least make us believe it was possible). I’ve been lethargic since my ex-husband died July 22 (9 days before my birthday). I wasn’t planning anything fancy, but never expected for his death to affect me so much.

Even this morning I again cried enough to cause my head to get congested which is surprising because after all these years I should have these feelings buried deep enough to keep them from sneaking up on me. Now I find myself wondering if I’ll spend the rest of my days thinking about him instead of celebrating mine and Mom’s birthdays (July 31 and Aug 2) when they recur.

Got into my trusty car at dawn this morning to go to Hardee’s for breakfast and the emergency brake wouldn’t release! Kept pulling the brake up and releasing it, but the back wheel was locked. Finally put the shifter in D1 and then Reverse and got the car to buck backwards like it was bouncing over something which tells me to stop setting the emergency brake and drive the car more often even if it’s just to the gas station.

My reasons for blogging about this is because I don’t want you to make my mistakes. Yes it’s true, some days it is difficult to get moving, but when you really think about it it’s better than doing nothing. Onward my friends! Onward.

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Such Is Life

I am taken aback by these jumbled feelings upon the news of Bernard Sr’s death.

Where once I felt numb (or so I thought) tears and sobs prove otherwise.

Happy and sad memories swirl around together creating more curious emotions, and perhaps regret.

How can this be for a man I have not seen since 1989?

I sit and reminisce for a moment thinking of what could have been … and was.

RIP and thank you for Bernard Jr, our wonderful son.

I am sorry you never got the chance to know him, but such is life.

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Tick Tick Tick

I hear the clock’s heart beat
That rhythmic ticking sound
Conveys to me
That I am not alone

Once there was a time
Not so long ago
When the sound annoyed me
But those days are gone
For now I am alone
And the ticking comforts me

So raise your glasses high
And be grateful
For aggravating moments
Soon will be gone
And just you
And the ticking clock will remain

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Pain? Yes, Dangit.


It’s been over a week since I had my disability eye exam and I’m still feeling it. My eyes now feel strained all the time and no matter what I do the only time they feel alright is when I’m asleep. I didn’t see the opthomologist to get any answers (Social Security paid for it) but had I known how I’d feel when it was over I would have asked many questions.

My appointment was scheduled for 2:30 PM June 24, but I turned off my cell phone when I arrived so I don’t know when I was actually taken in for the exam, but suspect it was close to 3:30.

The assistant gave me the exam where you hold the plastic eye cover (that looks like a weird eye mask) over your eye and read the chart. Then she took my glasses to get my prescription. When she returned she gave me a color eye test which the right eye flunked because you can’t see color from an eye that perceives different shades of gray.  Then she tested my left eye (please stay strong lefty) which passed. Then she put 3D glasses on my face and placed different thick lenses into some sort of tester. She then blocked my left eye and asked me which of the different images I saw seemed to jump out at me. She changed the images 3 different times and seemed surprised when I told her none did. I told her if I were using both eyes I could tell, but I’ve known for some time that I’m losing my depth perception.

The assistant then moved me to another room where she set up a machine for testing periferal vision and my right eye flunked that one too as I suffered for 10 minutes squirming around on a secretary’s chair that automatically lowers when you sit on it. (I hate those chairs because they hurt my back and legs). Finally the test was finished and we began again testing my left eye which I abruptly stopped because I thought I would vomit. I sat in that chair for about a minute; deep breathing; trying to get calmed down and then we started testing the left eye again for another agonizing 10 minutes!

Finally I was taken into another exam room and met the doctor’s wife. She took my glasses to check my prescription and I told her all about my eye shots; switching retinologists and why I eventually quit getting the shots. And I discovered that “my” retinologist from Panama City, FL is going to start seeing patients at this doctor’s office because the office in Dothan, AL where I saw him is now closed.

This opthomologist is very nice and we chatted for awhile; then he dilated my pupils and looked into my eyes. I now have scar tissue (I haven’t had a shot in almost 3 years) but he could see no signs of any leakage in the right eye and I’m grateful for that; so it appears that my right eye has just the “dry” type which is known as age related macular degeneration. (Thank you God).

I pulled out my cell phone and turned in on in the car and the time was 4:45 PM. Then I began the long drive home which was quite eventful because I was driving myself. That’s why I began this blog post with my smiling face because that’s how I looked driving home.

It took over an hour to get back to Ozark, AL because I couldn’t see the road signs and could find no familiar landmarks. After 2 wrong turns I was driving toward Ft. Rucker, but was disoriented and didn’t realize it; so I turned around and eventually found US 231 N.  I was over 10 miles from my son and daughter-in-law’s trailer and was so glad I had decided to go straight home when I left the doctor’s office because I never would have found their trailer! It was a long drive home, and I was so grateful to arrive. Now I wait to see what Social Security decides. Onward…

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With Pen In Hand

With pen in hand

I sit and wait

Wondering what images

The Muse will deliver.

 

Some are bleak

And pain me so

But I write them anyway.

 

For in doing so

Releases me from

Demons I may not realize.

Or frees me of wounds

Buried long ago

And forgotten.

 

Whether I share them

Or not

Is entirely up

To me.

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The Noise Upstairs

The noise upstairs is

deafening and causes despair.

They’re fighting again.

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