I’ve been reflecting on my Life Choices lately; wondering if I would change things if I could, and my answer is YES! I’d keep my eyes intact (take that macular degeneration), and all my family would be living down South, happy and healthy, instead of scattered all over. I’d be traveling instead of paying bills and then scraping up the leftover money to buy Dollar Tree “groceries” and other stuff.
My Tanya Puppy (who’d be in her ’30s by now) would still be with me and not just alive in my heart, but it’s time to stop reminiscing and get back to Life. After all I see a Dollar Tree trip in my future. Onward…
Sis called me last week to tell me that my niece wanted to know about macular degeneration since she’s gonna be heading down that dang path too and had questions; so Sis gave her my phone number and was calling to say, “Please don’t be mad, but…” After I was able to “process” my initial reaction I was able to talk and we had an hour’s worth of chit chat skirting the issue of If I could get my hands on you, I’d… That’s what happens with a family; they try to help whether you want them to or not.
During our conversation Sis told me that my niece would be sending an email asking if she could call me which is very sweet considering Sis had given her my number. I read the email later that evening and then spent days preparing for our conversation.
I don’t mean to sound callous, but I needed to prepare to face my fears again. Remembering the pain of eye shots and the fear that’s often immobilized me can be stifling unless I’m prepared; so I took a few days before answering the email, and apologized for taking so long to do it. I told my niece to leave a voicemail because I rarely answer unrecognized phone numbers. (I have to be in emotional control to keep my stress in check or my eyes hurt like hell; so controlling the calls is one of the tricks I use, as is ignoring the noise around me though sometimes my neighbors drop something or the child next door sneaks over and bangs on my door; that little scamp.)
Anyway we had a nice conversation and I answered all of my niece’s questions. I also told her to check my blog for posts on my eye shots and told her about stem cell trials. If her eyes are bad enough, she might be a good candidate. (Talk about an oxymoron if I ever heard one.) Onward for us both…
There are times in life when we all have doubts, and no one really can predict when that will happen. They can be little, like whether or not it will rain or catastrophic, like whether or not our sons and daughters are growing up to be leaders or minions. Every once in awhile if we’re lucky we get a glimpse of who our children will become.
Mother’s Day 2016 uneventfully came and went, but I didn’t mind because my wonderful son had called me May 6 to wish me a Happy Mother’s Day. Besides that, if I got too sentimental I could always peruse the photos of us taken over the years and the new photos he and his wonderful wife Alexa would take when they returned to Panama City Beach, FL the following weekend.
I did spend Mother’s Day reminiscing, and yes teary-eyed. I always get this way when I think of Mom, and yes the “good mother” doubts creep into my mind and cause even more raw emotion. And let’s face it, you can only use so many tissues on your eyes and nose before your body says “Enough already!”
The Kids returned to PC Beach for their weekend camping trip May 19 and did take some beautiful photos which made me all teary-eyed again. (I’m such a sentimental softee; or to quote Terry Moore from her movie Second Chances, “You’re just a cactus covered marshmallow.”)
Well yesterday I finally checked my mail (yes I really do need to check it more often) and discovered the most beautiful Mother’s Day Card with such a cherished, heartfelt note from Bernard Jr that I cried for a half hour! Yes my friends, sometimes if we’re lucky and live long enough we get to witness our little Phoenixs morph into the work ethic driven, honest, dependable guardians they have become thanks to you. Can Life really get any better than that?
Me, Bernard and Alexa boarding The Sea Screamer at Panama City Beach, FL April 23 (Alexa’s birthday).
Is that Sam Elliott I see
On this Gulf Coast Cruise with me?
The Sea Screamer bucks and rocks
As we struggle to stay upright.
“Sam” almost fell into my lap
But was able to adjust.
No one knew if I sniffled at my “loss”
Because of all the water spray.
Oh what a lovely day we had
As the dolphins swam and played.
Me and “Sam Elliott”
Together on this day.