I’ve got this song going through my head: “I get knocked down, but I get up again. You’re never gonna keep me down”… But lately, I’ve been wondering if perhaps I might stay down. You see I’ve been on this emotional roller coaster and it’s getting harder and harder to keep my mind off the triggers that cause these emotions. (Yes you’re right, it would help to stop thinking about them, but that’s not easy to do if you don’t even know what the triggers are.)
Take for instance, Good Friday. There was a dance in Enterprise, AL which is about 10 miles from where I live and I brooded about that for a week: wanting to go; knowing I couldn’t drive myself; you get the picture. Then there was the trip that my son and daughter-in-law were going to take with me to St. Louis, MO April 18 – 21 to hear my cousin (whom I haven’t seen since the 1970’s) sing. I worried and brooded about that; so we cancelled the trip, but I didn’t cancel the hotel reservations. I was afraid because my eyesight is so bad now that I’m helping my chauffeur brake for a stoplight 1/4 mile before we get to the light! (So you can imagine how annoying the driver feels and how scared I feel.)
This concern (or possibly the realization that I no longer have control) had me down right panic-stricken at the thought of one of them driving through Nashville, TN and me not being able to do it myself. Once I cancelled the trip, I thought I would feel better but instead felt worse. I even checked out flight costs to St. Louis for those 4 days. Meanwhile my son and patient daughter-in-law made plans to go to the beach, but changed their minds.
So here we are exactly one week later, and the trip’s back on! The Kids (as I call them) are attempting to get over my wishy/washy decision-making. I’m feeling excited and apprehensive but have decided if need be, I’ll hide in the back seat with my eyes closed until we get through Nashville. They just better be able to figure the route out themselves! Onward…