First, You Cry

Betty Rollin had this statement right.  You see this is the title of her book regarding her fight with breast cancer.  I am also preparing to do battle once again — with my wet type macular degeneration. 

I was so hoping I was wrong, but alas the optometrist confirmed my suspicions when I saw him Thursday (March 24th).  Another emergency appointment was then made for me with the retinologist (just like in June).  And so, Monday (March 28th) at 12:45 pm begins more shots to my right eye — I’ve only had 4 since I began this journey last June. 

I trudged out to the car carrying my paperwork in hand, and valiantly trying not to “blubber” because I so hate when I do that.  I got into the car; pulled out my cell phone — that I only use for emergencies — and tried to dial my son because I “knew” I would be getting a shot from the retinologist Monday and would not be able to see, let alone drive when he’s finished. 

Naturally I couldn’t see well enough to use the “contact list” and didn’t realize that the stupid thing had to be cleared.  I punched in my son’s cell number and summoned up my courage to sound calm when I spoke to him.  Alas my cousin answered, and my resolve washed away like a flooded river.  My conversation started calmly enough as I explained that I was trying to call my son, but my voice cracked and I loudly whimpered when I said “I can’t see!  Bye.”

My cousin barely had a chance to say “O-kay, bye” before I loudly punched the end button.  I closed my eyes and breathed deeply willing myself to CALM DOWN.  Then I grabbed the cell and turned it on again.  This time, I just keyed in my son’s cell number and when he came on the line, I calmly told him I needed a ride for Monday.  I told him not to worry because I would do that enough for us both.  I ended the call;  closed my eyes to steady my nerves, and then proceeded to drive to McDonald’s to drown my sorrows in a McFlurry. 

While sitting in McDonald’s parking lot, I called my sister and “blubbered” to her for a while.  Now I’m prepared to “do battle” with my eyes and this enigma that is so cramping my style.  So blog readers, prepare for Round 2 with moi’ and my eyes!

P.S. When I finally got home, I emailed my apologies to my cousin.  I just could not bear to speak with him again.

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About sandrabranum

I'm a philosopher, dreamer, poet, writer -- not necessarily in that order -- and I get to write it all down and share it with the world thanks to the Wonderful World Wide Web!
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